My 21st Non-Anniversary

Today is June 21st and a Saturday. I don't know how many times in the last 20 years that has happened. A math genius could probably figure it out without any trouble....but I do know that it happened 21 years ago in 1987....cuz it was supposed to be my wedding day. But....it isn't....but it almost was....
Here is the whole sordid tale.....
John and I started dating in High School. He was a Sophomore and I was a Junior. There are tales to tell about those days....but not right now...just giving you a little background...we had dated awhile.
When John was a Sophomore and I was a Junior in college he proposed. On the interstate. We were headed back to Lincoln after a weekend break that Fall. I was eating cheetos. My hands were orange from the toxic and terrifically tasty orange cheesy stuff. It was so romantic. The proposal was something like. "Do you want to get married?" and I said "Sure." I still get goose bumps when I eat cheetos and drive on the interstate. :)
We shopped for rings, set a date, June 21st, and we were on our way baby!
It was so perfect...because as you know, 21 is my very favorite number and yes, I know I have not expounded as to why but that is for yet another day....
About February I started to get a little miffed. John was not offering any input into the wedding plans and we were not spending much time together, even though we lived 1/2 block from each other. He was really busy with school and homework. You see, he was studying to be a Chemistry teacher. Yep. It's true. He ROCKS at Chemistry. I was in the Nursing program and was doing clinical rotations and studying and working and....and....wishing he would show some interest in our impending wedding on the most perfect of June Saturdays. But, I did realize that guys don't really care about flowers and they don't care about dresses and maybe, just maybe they don't even care about weddings all that much. Then things got worse. I hadn't bought a dress because I was going to wear my mom's dress. It is so beautiful....but one weekend that spring we got it out to see what needed to be done and I tried it on and there were some OBVIOUS things that needed to be changed. Number one on my list was to lose the point breast deals.....she got married in the early 60's and Jane Russell had stamped fashion (?) with the whole...lift and separate and point the way look I guess. I was not interested so the front needed a little remodeling and it needed to be taken in a little in the waist. As mom was sort of manipulating the fabric around the waist...the dress just sort of started to disintegrate in her hands. It was devastating. So, the dress was out. I don't remember feeling super panicked about that, but really sad. My favorite part of her dress was the sleeves....I have never seen prettier sleeves. But alas...they were rotten and I had to get over it. I must have shopped for dresses but don't remember it and I didn't buy one because one April night....it became clear that I wasn't going to need it.
I was in John's room typing a paper. I must have said something about the wedding plans and he must have not responded in the way that I wanted because I remember saying "Sometimes I feel like you don't even want to get married." and he responded "I'm not sure I do want to get married." I slipped his diamond ring off my finger and said we shouldn't get married until we were both sure. It was sad. Very sad. John left to take a run and I finished my paper that was due the next morning. When he got back he said he thought we should take a week and think about it and pray about it and not talk to each other that whole week. We did.
That weekend we were going home together. We were cordial and kept our topics light until we got on the interstate and then John brought it up. We talked a lot about why we would get married and why we wouldn't. John said he thought we had dated long enough and that marriage was the next logical and expected step. We talked about the marriages around us that had failed or were failing and struggled to find an example of a happily married couple. We decided not to get married. It was 2 months before our perfect wedding date but we got cold feet and were very scared of making a mistake. John took me home and we went into the house. We told my folks that we weren't getting married and John left. I started to cry and I climbed unto my Mom's lap like a little girl and sobbed.
That Sunday John stopped to pick me up to go back to Lincoln to school. We had to go to my neighbors to tell her that we weren't getting married because she had already planned a bridal shower for me and the date was coming up in a couple of weeks. It was hard to keep telling people. I wonder now why we didn't just put it in the paper....sort of a reverse engagement announcement....or maybe it would be a Disengagement Announcement....that would have been easier. Anyway my neighbor was really nice about it but was disappointed because she was excited about what she had gotten us. She even asked if we could just go ahead with the shower even though we weren't getting married this summer. Her inference was that we were just postponing. It was cute. Deep down. I wasn't sure it was just a postponement.....we had no plans for a future date and the reasons that we were not getting married were not changing because of time. I pretty much thought we were over. I just needed a ride back to school.....and a new heart.
John and I remained GF and BF but it was different. We had always been really good friends and still were but our friendship was a little wounded now. I didn't have a car in Lincoln and had been borrowing his (almost ours) to go to the hospital for clinicals and that continued although I tried to get rides with friends as much as possible. When the semester was over I had my Dad come and get me so that John wouldn't feel obligated to take me home. His finals were over before mine anyway.
It was a weird summer. Nothing was as it should be. I didn't have a summer job lined up back home...cuz I was supposed to be a married woman with a husband and an apartment in Lincoln. I took a summer class in May so I stayed in Lincoln through the end of that month. John had left after finals, went home and stayed with his Mom a while then loaded his saddle up in the backseat of his car and headed west. He ended up getting a job on a big ranch in Montana, lived in the bunkhouse and worked pre-sunup to post sundown.
He flew into Lincoln the first part of June and I picked him up at the airport and we went home and attended his Dad's wedding. It was a nice weekend and almost felt normal to be together but when I took him back to Lincoln to the airport, I really didn't see how it was going to work out. John's Mom had gone with us and I drug her around town as I applied for some jobs but I really had not plans and no prospects.
I lived at home and did odd jobs for the first part of June. I cleaned houses, helped a family get ready for an auction, and that was about it. Some family friends needed help in the hayfields later in the summer so I was just waiting around until it was time to go to the Sandhills. I got tired of fielding all the questions about why we weren't getting married and where John was that I didn't go into town much. It seemed everyone was intent on finding out what the scandal was.....and it was pretty non-scandalous so I didn't really have anything to offer.
June 21st 1987 came and went. That summer was filled with ups and downs but we all survived. My real Anniversary is July 16th and it will be our 20th....so everyone lives happily ever after. But June 21, will probably always be a bit of a melancholy date for me. It was just so perfect, you know? Happy Non-Anniversary to us. Maybe I will start a fight with John later today to celebrate. :)