Sometimes I....Lie

Sometimes I tell a whopper. The crazy thing is that I am always sure the other person knows it and then am terribly surprised and sorry when it becomes obvious that they took me seriously.

For example...

I was having a casual conversation with a student about the Swine Flu this week and as I was listing all the symptoms....I may have interjected an additional, obvious (to me) fake symptom.

I added "snores at night and sounds like a pig" to fever, cough, body aches, etc.

Seriously. Don't you think you would know that was a joke?

As that student was leaving I overheard her tell her friend about the snoring like a pig symptom......and they weren't laughing. I was mortified and called out to her and said "That snoring part was just a joke!" She didn't think it was funny.

Oh....I have more examples you betcha.

One time we were at a card party with people that mostly we were just acquainted with and didn't know very well. One guy came up to John and was going to make a joke about the hosts bathroom and started out by saying...."have you see the john upstairs...?" and I interrupted him and said "Oh John doesn't like it when people refer to bathrooms that way." So he restarts his joke and substitutes "toilet" only he pronounced it "twahlette" and again I interrupted and said that John's Mom's name was Twilette and he really hated it when people called bathrooms toilet because it sounded like his Mom's name. So again he restarts his joke and uses "privvy" well....John's grandma's name is Privilege and she is called Privvy for short don't you know.

The poor guy never did tell his story. A little later he was at a table with John's cousin and I heard him ask Randy if John's Mom's name was Twilette. :) Oopsy.

The best thing was that when we were all getting ready to leave that guy came over to John and apologized and hoped there were no hard feelings. Oh man. I felt very bad because I was just joking.....Seriously. Do you know anyone named Twilette or Privilege? Really?

Oh no...I am not even scratching the surface....

Once when I was in college in Kansas at Fort Hays, John came to visit me. While we were driving around town, I might have told him that Kansas doesn't allow the right turn on red rule and that if he tried it he would be ticketed and they put a hefty fine on it.

Seriously. It was Kansas not the Ukraine! Of course I was joking!

I kind of forgot about it until much later when again we were driving and the traffic was a little heavier and John was stopped at a red light in the right turn lane waiting for the light to turn green. He got honked at and indignantly responded by saying....I guess they aren't from Kansas and don't know about the no right turn law. Oopsy.

I had to confess that I had been joking and he could and should turn right if the traffic was clear. He was not amused.

Oh yeah. There is more.....

When I was in High School I worked at the Dairy Corner restaurant. It was mostly ran by kids and our boss, the owner, was mostly a kid too at just 22 or 23 years old. It was fun. I worked there my whole high school career and loved it. Good times.

When I was a Junior, Slogg (the boss/owner) hired Rudy (real name Randy but he convinced us all that it was a nickname and his real name was Rudolf and he wanted to be called Rudy....so we did - he lied sometimes too). Rudy was a character and if he hadn't gotten hired at the DC....he probably would have been in trouble with the law. As it was....he was just chronically in trouble with the rest of us.

Someday I will try to remember all of his shenanigans and document them here on this blog. Not today though.

One time I was in the back room washing potatoes and breading chicken. Rudy came back there and was just sort of hanging around. He was asking questions about everything and I started to get a little irritated. When he picked up a nasty toothbrush off the utility sink and asked what it was for....I may have told him that I leave it there so I can brush my teeth after work if I am going to be hanging out instead of going home.

Don't you think you would have known that was a joke? It was a crusty disgusting toothbrush that was used for cleaning disgusting crusty cracks along the sink and counter.

A few days later Slogg asked me if I used that toothbrush in the back sink area. I scoffed...NO.
He said he had caught Rudy using it to brush his teeth the night before and Rudy told Slogg that I had told him that I use it. Oops.

Since Rudy was a huge prankster and the orneriest person ever to work there. I was not in trouble.....and actually Slogg got a huge kick out of it.

Another time at the DC. I may have told a younger VERY blond co-worker that if you take aspirin and breathe in deeply in the kitchen around the deep fat friers...it would make you high.

Ok. Seriously. Would you believe that? Really?

Slogg asked her a few weeks later if she had headaches because she came back every shift and got into the cupboard above the dish washing area and took two aspirin. Oops.

Luckily she had a great sense of humor and actually laughed pretty hard when Slogg made me tell her that I had just been kidding. Or.....maybe she was high.